From Victim to Creator – Part 1

As I sit down to write this I find myself in a most interesting stage of my life.  In fact, it doesn’t even feel like a stage of my life – it feels more like an hiatus between two entirely different lives.  I feel as if one life is ending… is dying away… and I am at the same time getting ready to be born into a whole new life.  The old life, the one that is ending, is me-as-victim.  The new life that I am getting ready to begin is me-as-creator.

I could write the details of the old life for you.  My autobiography would end up being a whole book long and maybe you’d find it marginally interesting.  But it doesn’t serve my purpose today to try to tell you that long tale.  Rather I would simply say that I found myself as attached to the idea of myself as a victim as anyone else.  My life was a dichotomy.  On the one hand I came to be moderately successful at business but on the other I always felt that I could have been much more successful if I wasn’t always blocked; there was always someone, or something, that got in the way of my greater success.  I was also moderately happy with my life as there was much in it that I had to be happy about.  But I was surrounded by things that made me angry, fearful and sad.  And I had much bitterness in my heart for all the perceived wrongs that I remembered happening to me throughout my life.  So you see, I was happy enough, successful enough but even so, every bit the victim. 

So what changed?

Ultimately, what changed is that I decided to change.  I chose to become the creator of my own reality.  I chose to release my attachment to being a victim.

Do you remember the whole Lightship debacle of the 14th of October 2008?  In case you were living in a remote cave in Outer-Mongolia at the time I’ll briefly fill you in:  In mid-2008 a number of channellers all suddenly started to get messages that were quite remarkably in-synch.  The details varied but, essentially, all these voices agreed that we were, in the next few months, going to see one or more huge spaceships appearing in the skies of our planet.  How very thrilling this prospect was! 

I was one of those channellers.

Obviously, we didn’t get what was promised.  The details of exactly what happened and how I experienced it are not pertinent to this blog post.  But I’m sure I’ll tell that story in due course.  What IS relevant is the realisation I gained at that time.  It was, in fact, on the very day of the 14th of October when Lisa and I were walking in the forests of Table Mountain that I came to this momentous conclusion:  My desire for the Lightship to appear WAS my desire to be saved from myself.  I realised that what I essentially wanted was for these great, benevolent sky-daddies and sky-mommies to come swooping down in their craft of light to fix up the mess all us naughty earth-children had made.  In particular, I wanted them to come and fix my life and take me to some paradise version of my world.  It was a deeply victim-based desire.  And it wasn’t at all in my own best interests for this to happen.

On that day, on that walk on that mountain, I came to a new decision.  I realised that, if it is true that I create my own reality then it is possible for me to create that I am NOT the creator.  Then I will be creating that I am a victim.  And then I can create that I want someone to save me from my own victimhood.  Which is what I was engaged with in waiting for the light-ship.  But, as I had just experienced, I am then only creating myself as victim all over again.  Because now I am only saved if and when my Rescuer is willing to save me.

Victim, victim and victim some more.

A moment of clarity arrived:  “If I am the creator of my own reality,” I realised, “then only I can save myself.”

I sat with my life-partner, Lisa, on a rock that we would come to call “Oath Rock” and made this declaration to myself:

“I am an eternal, immortal creator being of infinite power”

It was another inspired moment.  The full meaning of this statement would, many months later, be explained to me in The Ascension Papers.

And that is the first part of the story that I would share with you.  It is the simple truth that I have experienced in my own life.  Moving from Victim to Creator can only be accomplished by ourselves.  No one else can do it for us.  And making that decision and sticking to it is one that will change your life utterly.

What change did it bring to my life?  What did I do with this decision to take ownership of my creations and my life?  Read on in Part 2 of this series.